More Natural Cures? Get Out of Town!

Ever heard of a little book called Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You To Know About by Kevin Trudeau? Well, if you haven't, then you must obviously be a sheep to the system, because They don't want you to know about it. But overrall, the nefarious FDA, FTC, FBI, etc. have been foiled because this tome of salvation has sold millions of copies nationally. Inevitably, Mr. Trudeau would be kind enough to dispense another rendition from his genius, which he has.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the first set of Natural Cures, I can illuminate -- I've got a copy next to me right now. See, my dad's a commercial photographer who shoots for catalogs and ads and things, which has added perks; sometimes the copies of products he shoots are his to keep if the company won't miss them. These items have included solar-powered fan hats, no-slip daisy stickers for bathtubs, and recently Kevin Trudeau's Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You To Know About.

I'm telling you, it's really quite an opportunity to come into the possession of a book like this without actually having to go out in public and buy it.

So I'm giving it another good skim, and right away I'm recalling its strengths, which no doubt contributed to its stratospheric sales. First of all, what's really nice is that it's written at a fifth-grade level so folks what don't read so good can understand it. The second thing is I'm sick of doctors and scientists telling me how to take care of my body; Kevin Trudeau is just some guy! And that's refreshing. Lastly, before bestowing medical advice, Natural Cures starts off with some thunderous Stick It To The Man chapters, and who better to write them than a man who's actually gone to prison?

Well, "They" got him locked away years ago, but I'll let him tell you that story. The book isn't really about that, anyway, it's about saving your life.

While we're there, here are some actual nuggets from Natural Cures that have certainly changed my life:

"Do not eat after six p.m. Do the best you can on this. However, the good news is that you can virtually eat like a pig all day long. And if you stop eating after 6:00 p.m., you will still lose weight!"

It's true. In fact, I've been especially successful with this since I don't get up until 3.

"If you can't eat it, don't put it on your skin."

It's all about eliminating the toxins that enter your body. I take a bite out of every new stick of deoderant just to make sure it's safe.

"Buying food already prepackaged and made by major food companies means you are buying food where no love has been added. The energy a person adds to food by preparing it himself actually causes the electrons to spin in different directions, causing a much healthier product for the body."

So there you have it: that's why my cooking always tastes best to me. The love I add to it just doesn't apply to other people who eat it. It's nothing personal -- just science.

And to think that there are MORE natural cures now? I'm near goddamn immortal from putting Trudeau's last book into practice... what could I do with more? That must be why sales are way down for his new book: too many people already read the first one.

Heck, when you look on the original's cover and see that Over 1.5 Million Copies Sold sticker, how can you not be filled with hope for all humanity?