Colorado: Now With 20% Less Angst

It's been a couple weeks since the public smoking ban has been enforced in my state, and so far I haven't seen any overturned vehicles burning in the streets or bikers hurling molotovs at riot police.

But it could still happen, you know. At the billiard bar I go to, they've got a collection jar to "Fight the Smoking Ban". I don't know what that could fund at this point except an underground militia para la revolucion.

What has some Coloradans miffed more than the ban itself is that the state government didn't bother to ask us about it, first. Not that it matters though, since polls taken in bars and such showed over 70% support the smoking ban. Which means you've even got most of the smokers, themselves, saying, "yeah, I guess we're kind of obnoxious bastards, huh?"

The other protest is the idea that the government is telling us another thing we can't do to our own bodies in public places, and even some non-smokers join in this one.

I'm no libertarian, so I don't see how this right to self-endangerment is as strongly embraced by American law as people think it is. In Colorado, we ticket drivers and passengers for not wearing seltbelts, which is not only impossible to accurately enforce (just click it as you're pulled over, if you forget), it does not endanger anyone but the knuckleheads who don't bother. As little griping as I've heard about the smoking ban, I've heard next to nil about the ongoing seatbelt law. If freedom is the issue as opposed to an annoyingly forced change of personal habit, then this makes no sense to me.

A fella at a party shared with me his no-fail comeback against people who complain about the smoking ban: "Oh, yeah? It's just like if we were to disallow masturbation in restaurants. Even special sections masturbation. Would you be against banning that?"

Science may one day release field results supporting that such an activity will likewise contribute to cancer among those nearby, but I doubt it. I just kinda stared at the guy.

Anyway, the stronger argument against the ban is the economic one: establishments might lose too much business from their smelly regulars. But that hasn't been the case with the other installments of that law -- as long as they aren't near other businesses that are exempt from the ban, bars and restaurants are doing just dandy. I guess smokers in those states still leave their houses and go somewhere, which has apparently surprised a lot of people.

But that even Ireland has a ban on smoking in pubs... I don't know how you can get an Irishman to step outside a pub unless it's raining Jameson whiskey. Makes one wonder why we have any dissent on the issue here.

I initially wasn't excited about the ban, though, until I considered how nice it would be to leave a bowling alley or pool hall without my clothes smelling like angst. The states are going to keep jumping on this bandwagon, and I really like the trend. Sure, it's the state government telling other people what they can/can't do to their bodies, and that's just so sad but hot damn, I can finally wear some cologne to a bar now without it being a waste, so kiss my ass.

"No, there's no smoking allowed in bars, and soon no drinking and no talking!" -- Eddie Izzard