Curses! Foiled Again!

What seemed to have happened in Greeley last week was a rejected plotline from Dawson's Creek. UNC's backup punter stabbed the first stringer in the leg to take his spot against Texas State? Are you kidding me? I mean, couldn't he have just hired a goon, by sportsmanly American tradition, to club the guy in the knee?

So no, not Dawson's Creek -- we've got to dig for this one. I'm thinking a turn-of-the-century melodrama. Instead of a black hoodie, the attacker would more appropriately have donned a stove-pipe hat and a black coat with tails. Then, upon prancing back to the shadows, he'd have connivingly stroked his handlebar moustache while watching his victim limp away.

"Yes! Ye-e-e-e-e-s."

The media attention, though let's say undeserved, was to be expected. It's not because it was one of those "you just can't write a story like that" stories: This situation was insane because it has been written many times by bad writers, and we just didn't think an athlete would seriously hatch that kind of plan in real life. Again.

But the attacker's evil scheme came to no avail. UNC pulled the upset without him, splitting the punting duties between a freshman and their strong safety. Even Stephen Colbert weighed in on the story last week, Wagging the Finger at UNC coach Scott Downing for not considering suspect Mitch Cozad:

“What are you thinking, coach? You give the starting job to the player who wants it the most. Now that’s what I call teamwork!"

And that wasn't even my favorite quote. Some players, perhaps overcome by the preposterousness of the occurrance, still vouched for Cozad's character (from Yahoo! News 9/16):

Cozad, who graduated from Wheatland in 2004, was "very passionate about kicking and punting" in high school, said another of his former teammates, running back Matt Carberry.

"He's always been different," Carberry said. "Not stabbing-people different, but different."