Selling Himself Short

So if you auctioned off your life on eBay, how much do you think someone would offer for it? Maybe less than 5800 bucks? That's what Nicael Holt, a 24-year-old Philosophy major in Australia, got for his. This man actually sold his name, material possessions, job, one-on-one training to acquire his skills, and everything else he deemed possible in order for someone else to replace him in his life. You can find the complete list of spoils on his eBay page here.

When it comes to people's lives, I fancy myself a speculator: I'm always looking for the best deals. Here's what I'd have been interested in acquiring through Mr. Holt:

-His surfing skills
-His "two nemeses"
-His birthday, complete with a party and presents from his former friends ($5800 for a additional birthday, alone, may be an investment with decent returns)

A bizarre experiment, this, but an intriguing one regardless of Holt's true motives (making a "statement" on identity and the self, trauma from his breakup, Philosophy-major cry for attention). It's startling to go down the eBay listing and see how thorough this self-destructive act will be, but even more alarming are the areas to which he perhaps should have given more thought. Take this portion, for example.

Please note winning bidder does not receive ownership of the following:
- Degrees/qualifications
- Drivers License
- Passport
- Future Inheritance
- Formal/Legal Identity

Now, I can see most these items being left out because they can't legally be transferred, but the no-future-inheritance bit, that's unfair. If this fellow wants to keep his parents' money, then he should be the one spending Christmas with them. But apparently he's giving up his family as part of the deal, which, by the way, forces one to imagine the following exchange:

Nicael's former mother: Well, (sob) I hope you're happy with your thousands of dollars. I have just lost a son!

Former Nicael: I'm sorry, I don't know who the hell you are. (But can I still be in your will?)

Actually, if you take Nicael's word for it (on his Web site, at least), his parents find this whole exercise very "amusing". Their flesh-and-blood creation, it turns out, is worth less than a '98 Explorer, so either that's not actually true or Australians are very strange people.

Anyway, Holt insists that the effects of the sale are permanent, "or for as long as you want anyways.. its[sic.] your life :)"

That being the case, I see this auction winner flying in and gathering up all of Holt's stuff (which includes a laptop and 300 CDs), taking the mandatory 4-week "training course," and then having the 170 cited friends throw him a goodbye party. Once that's over with, the new Nicael can go home and listen to all the 30 Odd Foot of Grunts albums or whatever else is in that monolithic stack of music.

Toward the end of the auction, Holt announced he would donate 30 percent of the proceeds to ARAFMI, an advocacy group for dealing with mental illness. Now, I know what you're going to say: "He should probably make a personal investment for that." Personally, I seldom knock a guy for donating some money to a well-meaning non-profit, especially when he's just nuked his social life and could probably use that warm fuzzy feeling of altruism. I mean, he sold all of his clothes.

But speaking of mental disorders, imagine if this young man were schizophrenic. He would have had so much more to offer.