The Champion

Liberal Democrat Jay Fawcett has conceded the election!

Doug Lamborn -- who bears the title of True Conservative -- is now one of Colorado's representatives on Capitol Hill. O, that there e'er was doubt in the outcome!

Scribes are already composing songs and sonnets of True Conservative's magnificent victory, and tankards are overflowing in the Republican mead hall, also known as Mr. Biggs Family Fun Center. The uproarious bellows of True Conservative's thanes shook the walls as He declared his ambition to sit upon the House Arms Committee. What more fitting assignment for such a seasoned warrior as this man!

Despite his disgrace in defeat, Fawcett has not ruled out the possibility of running again. Must this vexing imp needs be smote once more, True Conservative shall remain on his guard, thunderbolts rumbling in his grip.

The reliable people of Colorado Springs and surrounding hamlets have wrought justice unto themselves by maintaining faith in this Hero. "Send Him!" cried they, "for it is he who embodies our causes and moral standards!"

For these constituents, keep on, True Conservative! On thy glory march to Capitol Hill, thou may arrive to another House slithering with Democrats, but fear not! Lift thine eyes to the sunrise always, and repeat the war cries of thy kindred: Stay the Course, and Git-R-Done!