Imbeciles Do Battle!

The Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster is a joke that got way out of hand.

It started with a letter. Out-of-work rapscallion Bobby Henderson wrote to school boards in the Bible Belt requesting that if they're considering mandating teachings of Intelligent Design based on the Christian god, they should also allow for alternate interpretations of it, accounting for the fact that people believe in many gods. Hence, schools should have no qualms with additionally teaching the origin of the world as it was set forth by the invisible, omnipotent deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

It isn't the best analogy for what Christian Intelligent Design advocates, as at least one thoughtful objector insists, but in my opinion it's not far off. I got a real kick out of it.

But see, this letter, which was meant as a joke, has spawned an actual "church" complete with its own bible. As with any effective work of verbal irony, there will be a percentage of readers who don't understand that it's merely a joke, which in this case includes some of its "pastafarians". The other demographic makes up much of FSM's touted Hate Mail section, and you can guess who they are.

The hate mail does have its moments of valid criticism (coming from folks who "get it" -- but still aren't fond), but many of the... erm, interesting letters, I believe, are not a product of religious beliefs per se. Many of the venomous responses to FSM are people using so-called Christian righteousness to mask what seem like massive head injuries.

I suggest you read the "Casey Powell Hate-Mail Saga" if you'd like to observe a study in human psychosis. This character is an example of the above, and he doesn't just send FSM one humdinger of a hate letter from jesusmarine2005@yahoo, but a string of emails, and then he rumbles with his critics in the three-ring circus that the comments section has become. Here is the progression of Mr. Powell's conversational tactics:

1. Rage: He follows up the original letter with an onslaught of emails once he learns that Bobby Henderson posted the letter on his site. He almost immediately demands to have his named removed from it and thus remain anonymous.

2. Threats: Casey threatens to sic his lawyer on Bobby for "libel" and "invasion of privacy" as he sends Bobby dozens more insults within hours (And no, I don't have that backwards). The asking price? $400,000 in damages.

3. Bargains: Eventually, Casey curiously offers a deal to FSM that if they remove his original letter, he will promise to shut down his fledgling anti-flying spaghetti monster "smeer" site (It's a tiny Blogger page, in fact, that he has probably lost interest in).

4. Apologies: In an especially intriguing shift, Casey seeks forgiveness for his very un-Christian comment that Bobby is a "fucking retard" whom he hopes will "burn in hell."

5. Disownment: It wasn't Casey Powell who wrote the original email to begin with, as he later reveals, but someone who broke into his Yahoo account to send FSM the hate letter, unbeknownst to the real Casey Powell. Paranoia of a defamation conspiracy? Personality schism? Spectacular attempt at saving face? The plot thickens.

I admit I may not have the order right, which you might find forgivable considering that Mr. Powell revisits these stages repeatedly throughout the discussion. But it's all quite fascinating. Right down to the part where he tells his detractors:

"I hate you. Like serious. But I also pray for you. I pray for you despicable bastards because I hate you and Jesus' fatherly plan says that I should love you and forgive. So yes. When I say that I hope you all get cancer, what I am really trying to say is that I love you."

I don't like taking things out of context, which is why I stongly suggest you look over the site I linked (though it may take a couple hours -- worth it for some). Still, you can look at a quote like that and wonder if context is even necessary for passing accurate judgment.

What bother me almost as much as our theologian in question are the more infantile counterattacks to his statements. Though most of the anti-Casey camp only offers condescending jibes along the lines of, "Hey Casey, thanks for the laughs, you rascal," others sink to his level of nastiness and name-calling without providing relevant critique. You'll get a thinker here or there, but the side of "good" is made up of one too many quasi-intellectual potsmoking man-boys who think they are roxorz. I liken the spectacle to a deathmatch between ten hyenas and a lobotomized yeti.

But then again, this is the readership of Flying Spaghetti Monster. I've never read a thread so involving, but by expecting an enriching debate perhaps I'm taking it a little too seriously.


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."

-- Albert Einstein